[pasteisme]

My life has been a rocky road. I have had more medical/health issues than I would have liked, but hey. i don't "get sick" too often, rather i end up with concussions, fractured vertebrate, depression, psychosis (suicide attempts), migraine/headaches, anxiety, and just udder distaste for life at times.

I had gotten my mmj Rx in 2006. I do not use mmj right now at all. Ocassionally i still use tylenol for back pain, and do take a good amount of psych meds. Unfortunately, i do not think this stint will last.

Many of you may know how it gets when you are clean and sober for a while, everyone becomes really proud of you and many give you much respect for your achievment. But this is something that is fogging something even deeper. My sobriety is only shadowed by the diagnosed "mental illess" for which i take many meds. So you see, something may have been helping me, the mmj, is out of my life for now. I forsee a long struggle ahead to get back in a position where i can use mmj while having a peace of mind. if i ever go back to using.

I am 22, maybe young, but as days go by i realize their is less that i truly know about this world that surrounds me. i am highly sensitive to the bullshit that goes on around me, and it has gouged my life in a negative way. I just pray everyday for gods will regardless of mmj or no mmj, but i know it is a factor in my life, that unfortunately is very hard to ignore. I don't know if i am looking for sympathy, empathy, support or anything at all. I just need to make myself heard when I feel it is necessary.

Thanks,
Christopher

[kennabis]

i hear ya. and, i kinda feel similar in some ways. i'm 44 and seeking for peace, in the middle of maddness. be sensitive with youself, i forget to do that with myself often, so i often say it. i think you did the right thing posting your situation. we are constantly having to take responsibility for our ever changing conditions. i wish you comfort in your healing.

best wishes

[modern_talkin]

The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can
fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

*This is what helps me during the tough times mentally, physically and spiritually. Hope I didn't break/offend any WT rules or Trackers, but this is also my remedy in combination with marijuana.

[BabyBoomer]

Thank you for coming here and posting your concerns. I am so proud of you. For you are searching, not sitting there waiting for something to just drop out of the sky and fix you. You are taking steps to get better. I so admire you. And you are not playing the 'victim role' that so many use.

Chris, are you keeping a journal? You write so well, what a gift you have.

Have your doctors recommended any type of therapy or group therapy for you?

Thank you for knowing how special you are and for knowing that it is necessary to be heard.






.

[pasteisme]

Thank you. I do keep a journal, although i will say i do not write much in it anymore. I used to write, write, write when i was medicated. As for groups, I attend AA regularly, and I don't take any side more serious than another.

[labrat]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

My life has been a rocky road. I have had more medical/health issues than I would have liked, but hey. i don't "get sick" too often, rather i end up with concussions, fractured vertebrate, depression, psychosis (suicide attempts), migraine/headaches, anxiety, and just udder distaste for life at times.

I had gotten my mmj Rx in 2006. I do not use mmj right now at all. Ocassionally i still use tylenol for back pain, and do take a good amount of psych meds. Unfortunately, i do not think this stint will last.

Many of you may know how it gets when you are clean and sober for a while, everyone becomes really proud of you and many give you much respect for your achievment. But this is something that is fogging something even deeper. My sobriety is only shadowed by the diagnosed "mental illess" for which i take many meds. So you see, something may have been helping me, the mmj, is out of my life for now. I forsee a long struggle ahead to get back in a position where i can use mmj while having a peace of mind. if i ever go back to using.

I am 22, maybe young, but as days go by i realize their is less that i truly know about this world that surrounds me. i am highly sensitive to the bullshit that goes on around me, and it has gouged my life in a negative way. I just pray everyday for gods will regardless of mmj or no mmj, but i know it is a factor in my life, that unfortunately is very hard to ignore. I don't know if i am looking for sympathy, empathy, support or anything at all. I just need to make myself heard when I feel it is necessary.

Thanks,
Christopher

check it out chris!!!your fukn normal!!!! do you really think people come to this site for whom has the deals??????? sure its hear!!!! but listen dog !!! wereall fuked up man!!! aint one swinging dick around here beter than ,the other !! thats why we are all patients !!!! and thats why web are here for each other!!!make yer self heard !!!! if that is sooothing!! just remember one thing !! bro !! stand up and and dont take no shit!!! society has changed immensely from my younger days!!!(bummer) one other thing!!yer young and healthy !!! you just have a scratch or two!!! !!! step up to the plate !!!! and show not only yer family !!! but yer friends your ability!! yull be ok !!!!! good luck !!! lab rat !!!! stay of the fukn streets !! peace

[St.Andrews]

Man you are 22! Your life has not even began yet! We all go through hard times, but it is those times that makes us who we are today and makes us strong. You have to man up and wake up! You are still young don't forget that you still got so much to learn and live for before you give up already in this depressed mode. Life goes up and down, so remember just because you feel your life is down just remember your life will come back up. So don't forget that buddy!

Much Love and Take Care!!!!

[Scratch1]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

My life has been a rocky road. I have had more medical/health issues than I would have liked, but hey. i don't "get sick" too often, rather i end up with concussions, fractured vertebrate, depression, psychosis (suicide attempts), migraine/headaches, anxiety, and just udder distaste for life at times.

I had gotten my mmj Rx in 2006. I do not use mmj right now at all. Ocassionally i still use tylenol for back pain, and do take a good amount of psych meds. Unfortunately, i do not think this stint will last.

Many of you may know how it gets when you are clean and sober for a while, everyone becomes really proud of you and many give you much respect for your achievment. But this is something that is fogging something even deeper. My sobriety is only shadowed by the diagnosed "mental illess" for which i take many meds. So you see, something may have been helping me, the mmj, is out of my life for now. I forsee a long struggle ahead to get back in a position where i can use mmj while having a peace of mind. if i ever go back to using.

I am 22, maybe young, but as days go by i realize their is less that i truly know about this world that surrounds me. i am highly sensitive to the bullshit that goes on around me, and it has gouged my life in a negative way. I just pray everyday for gods will regardless of mmj or no mmj, but i know it is a factor in my life, that unfortunately is very hard to ignore. I don't know if i am looking for sympathy, empathy, support or anything at all. I just need to make myself heard when I feel it is necessary.

Thanks,
Christopher

It's funny. I've been having a pretty bad time of things since about Christmas. I can certainly be found guilty of feeling sorry for myself. I'm 26, feeling like I'm going on 65. What you say about being sensitive to the bullshit around you... Man, what a statement. It's JUST how I feel. I've been partly crippled now since I was 17. But, some never even made it to 17 so I should consider myself lucky.

Stay strong friend. These early twenties, I believe, are the hardest part of our lives. The teens take some getting used to and you start to form you identity around that age. But, in your twenties I believe you really start to realize what kind of world we live in. We are no longer sheltered from the harsh cold world. Even worse, some are thrust into that world in their teens. It's then that we really have to determine what kind of person we want to be. Someone who makes the world go round or waits for it to crush them. It's a good thing that you're aware of so much. It's also a curse.

You can get through this. Just try to remember what you are struggling for now. Keep your head up. Even if it feels as though its attached to a hundred pound weight. Life does get good. Sometimes some of us just have to wade through a little more shit than others to get to it.

You have great insight and I wish you the best.

[labrat]

Originally Posted by Scratch1

It's funny. I've been having a pretty bad time of things since about Christmas. I can certainly be found guilty of feeling sorry for myself. I'm 26, feeling like I'm going on 65. What you say about being sensitive to the bullshit around you... Man, what a statement. It's JUST how I feel. I've been partly crippled now since I was 17. But, some never even made it to 17 so I should consider myself lucky.

Stay strong friend. These early twenties, I believe, are the hardest part of our lives. The teens take some getting used to and you start to form you identity around that age. But, in your twenties I believe you really start to realize what kind of world we live in. We are no longer sheltered from the harsh cold world. Even worse, some are thrust into that world in their teens. It's then that we really have to determine what kind of person we want to be. Someone who makes the world go round or waits for it to crush them. It's a good thing that you're aware of so much. It's also a curse.

You can get through this. Just try to remember what you are struggling for now. Keep your head up. Even if it feels as though its attached to a hundred pound weight. Life does get good. Sometimes some of us just have to wade through a little more shit than others to get to it.

You have great insight and I wish you the best.

well said my friend!!! peace lab rat

[HairyKushna]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

My life has been a rocky road. I have had more medical/health issues than I would have liked, but hey. i don't "get sick" too often, rather i end up with concussions, fractured vertebrate, depression, psychosis (suicide attempts), migraine/headaches, anxiety, and just udder distaste for life at times.

I had gotten my mmj Rx in 2006. I do not use mmj right now at all. Ocassionally i still use tylenol for back pain, and do take a good amount of psych meds. Unfortunately, i do not think this stint will last.

Many of you may know how it gets when you are clean and sober for a while, everyone becomes really proud of you and many give you much respect for your achievment. But this is something that is fogging something even deeper. My sobriety is only shadowed by the diagnosed "mental illess" for which i take many meds. So you see, something may have been helping me, the mmj, is out of my life for now. I forsee a long struggle ahead to get back in a position where i can use mmj while having a peace of mind. if i ever go back to using.

I am 22, maybe young, but as days go by i realize their is less that i truly know about this world that surrounds me. i am highly sensitive to the bullshit that goes on around me, and it has gouged my life in a negative way. I just pray everyday for gods will regardless of mmj or no mmj, but i know it is a factor in my life, that unfortunately is very hard to ignore. I don't know if i am looking for sympathy, empathy, support or anything at all. I just need to make myself heard when I feel it is necessary.

Thanks,
Christopher

I feel you 100% bro . kennabis knows as well. and thats probably the reason he understands you too. I feel the same way that life is about to come to a suden ending once in a while. -- i dont want to get too into the bad's then the good's .. a quick tip though is keep your faith n trust in teh belief and Lord you praise. Do good recieve good. Read Alot. Go to school thats what im doin' you learn so much. and i mean in philosophy which im taking right now. they say theres no such thing as gods will. and i strongly oppose.
Its great to see there are many ppl who do believe in gods will and that prayer n hardwork can bring you a very long way.


There better be better days on the way thats on my daddy's grave

"i Followed my dreams, PUT GOD FIRST, And my mom said i'd get rich with a little HARDWORK"

[tokermom]

We have such Beautiful people here! I'am proud to be a weedtracker!

[Nailhead]

I personally think doctors diagnosing patients with a "mental illness" are just doing so to push medications patients probably don't really need. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, it wasn't until after various and thorough examinations had been performed. Mental illnesses, however, don't require any hard data for diagnoses. Too many doctors are so close to the pharmaceutical companies that it's really hard to find a good honest doctor these days. I'd be very cautious about taking those meds. Too many people blindly trust anyone in a white jacket and a doctorate, many of these scumbags are nothing more than drug peddlers and could give a rats ass about your health, mental or physical.

I'd especially be cautious if you don't feel things are improving. If the meds do help, great, but if not, perhaps look into seeing a counselor. You just have to find one that you are comfortable with. That's probably some good advice I could use myself for my own depression, but I have a hard enough time opening up with friends I've known my entire life, let alone a complete stranger who wouldn't be listening if I wasn't paying.....but I still have depression so following my footsteps of ignorance probably isn't a good idea, so I say at least see a few and see if that works out.

I've been a medical marijuana user for over a year now, I'm not sure if it's because of the marijuana or I'm just now maturing mentally, but I feel like I'm looking at the world from a new set of eyes. I feel this has been good for myself, however, this new attitude doesn't seem to be acceptable by most people, and this friction, I've found, can worsen the feelings of depression. I've noticed society in America looks down on people with too much emotion, instead working robots are considered "normal". Capitalism has no room for emotion, the bottom line only cares about your working output. That's why I've said that capitalism has been both the best thing about this country, as well as it's worst. Best because it has made this country the most financially successful, but worst because it has caused most people to loose focus of what really matters in life; happiness.

I don't know if that was the response you were looking for or if it was the least bit helpful, but I wish you the best. Good luck!

[modern_talkin]

Remember that child's book by Dr. Seuss where one character says:

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"

This is the philosophy of life. There will always be people looking you down,
unaccepting and critical.
I've learned so far that they really don't matter to me, and people should really just start being themselves regardless.
Life is not lived by other people's thoughts or opinions.

mt

[stanleyk]

Pasteisme,

The greatest growth and accomplishments come from the most difficult struggle and challenge. If there was no bad, there would be no good. We would just exist. Find your spirituality and faith. Know this for sure...... IT WILL PASS... and when it does... you're going to be stronger and happier than ever..

[Dr.Seuscio]

Originally Posted by modern_talkin

Remember that child's book by Dr. Seuss where one character says:

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"

This is the philosophy of life. There will always be people looking you down,
unaccepting and critical.
I've learned so far that they really don't matter to me, and people should really just start being themselves regardless.
Life is not lived by other people's thoughts or opinions.

mt

Thanks for the refrence in my line of work I never get quoted "Sam I am"

-Seuscio

[Greenspan]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

My life has been a rocky road. I have had more medical/health issues than I would have liked, but hey. i don't "get sick" too often, rather i end up with concussions, fractured vertebrate, depression, psychosis (suicide attempts), migraine/headaches, anxiety, and just udder distaste for life at times.

I had gotten my mmj Rx in 2006. I do not use mmj right now at all. Ocassionally i still use tylenol for back pain, and do take a good amount of psych meds. Unfortunately, i do not think this stint will last.

Many of you may know how it gets when you are clean and sober for a while, everyone becomes really proud of you and many give you much respect for your achievment. But this is something that is fogging something even deeper. My sobriety is only shadowed by the diagnosed "mental illess" for which i take many meds. So you see, something may have been helping me, the mmj, is out of my life for now. I forsee a long struggle ahead to get back in a position where i can use mmj while having a peace of mind. if i ever go back to using.

I am 22, maybe young, but as days go by i realize their is less that i truly know about this world that surrounds me. i am highly sensitive to the bullshit that goes on around me, and it has gouged my life in a negative way. I just pray everyday for gods will regardless of mmj or no mmj, but i know it is a factor in my life, that unfortunately is very hard to ignore. I don't know if i am looking for sympathy, empathy, support or anything at all. I just need to make myself heard when I feel it is necessary.

Thanks,
Christopher

Why aren't you consuming medical marijuana at all right now?

[pasteisme]

i am not consuming because i am "sober" from all illegal substances. Well, i do not drink either. This has been true for the past year or so of my life. Anyway i do think i have many obstacles i must overcome if marijuana would be to my benefit, location be one of the main problems right now. i would hate to end up in jail, i fear the psychosis, afraid i might move on to other drugs or something. . . ..

[Nailhead]

Why do you assume anything illegal is bad? Why are you letting the US government decide what is healthy for you? You seem like the exact person that needs mmj, as long as you don't use it to escape reality it won't be harmful. People that use mmj to escape their life are the ones at risk for other harder drugs, but if you are using it responsibly, and in moderation, (that's an amount you feel is fine for you, everyone is different), you won't have problems with it.

Forget what the Churches say about being sober, that's not healthy, nor is it a solution to problems of addiction/alcoholism. That type of thinking only perpetuates the mentality that the individual drugs, (alcohol, marijuana, etc.), are the problem, when in reality it's the irresponsible use of those drugs that is the problem. Being completely sober is okay if you are doing it temporarily to work on the underlying issue of why you have problems with addiction/alcoholism, but being 100% sober is not a long term solution. That's why many people who do this can easily fall backwords and relapse. I don't think mmj should be on your list of drugs to avoid, as I said before, just because it's illegal doesn't mean it's bad for you. I'd say the prescription drugs you are taking are probably much more damaging to your body. It seems a bit hypocritical that you would choose pharmaceutical drugs, which typically have many long term and short term side effects, over marijuana, whose side effects are pretty much well known and very safe.

I'd also personally say to avoid looking for a god to answer your problems, I say this as a person who was once fully convinced a god was part of my life watching over me. In the end I realized I was just praying to myself the whole time, the belief and trust in a person that does not exist will ruin you financially and emotionally. Looking for spirituality to help you with your problems will only add to your depression. When your prayers are not answered people begin to blame themselves for not being faithful enough, or not being as good as they should be. On occasion it will appear your prayers are answered, and this will continue to perpetuate the ridiculous belief that a god is helping you out, albeit less than 1/4 of the time you really need it. If there is a god that created this universe, it's certainly not taking part in individual humans lives so I would recommend you avoid any such delusions, as I said before, it will only worsen your depression when you realize you have been talking to yourself during those prayer sessions. You don't need religion to be a good person, morality comes from yourself, not a book of fairy tales.

[zbestwun2001]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

i am not consuming because i am "sober" from all illegal substances. Well, i do not drink either. This has been true for the past year or so of my life. Anyway i do think i have many obstacles i must overcome if marijuana would be to my benefit, location be one of the main problems right now. i would hate to end up in jail, i fear the psychosis, afraid i might move on to other drugs or something. . . ..

Pasteisme,
This is my 2 cents and I have been around those programs since the early 90's.

I guarantee you a lot of people in AA will smoke MMJ with a rec.

Short and sweet, if MMJ helps you, find a sponsor at AA that feels the way you do. They are there with significant sober time trust me.

The first step of the 12 steps is acknowledging you have a problem. Did you go to AA because MMJ was causeing a problem in your life, or were you drinking too much?

Now if you go to AA meetings with a bunch of AA Nazi's change meetings. Those are not healthy either.

There is a happy medium you can find, that will take your guilt away from using MMJ as recommended by your MD.

I know what I am talking about, from first hand and schooling. I do have a CCDC (Certified Chemical Depency Councellor) from the State of Calif.
I am not bragging, truthfully I haven't been in counseling for over 9 years.

Try what I say, PM me back, we can talk.

Much love,
zb1

[Lix-A-Lot]

Originally Posted by pasteisme

i am not consuming because i am "sober" from all illegal substances. Well, i do not drink either. This has been true for the past year or so of my life. Anyway i do think i have many obstacles i must overcome if marijuana would be to my benefit, location be one of the main problems right now. i would hate to end up in jail, i fear the psychosis, afraid i might move on to other drugs or something. . . ..

If you get a rec, MMJ is not an "illegal substance"!

[pasteisme]

well things are going ok for me right now. i am still sober, although i may have gotten second hand high at the bus stop the last two days. haha. anyhow, i am feeling good about things and involving myself in the cause i feel may be of extreme importance. all i can say is thanks.