Welcome to WeedTRACKER!
You are currently showing up as a guest, to take full advantage of the site please read the rules & sign up.
| Patient Reading Room Post your creative writing, lyrics & poetry and share with the community. |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
03-10-2008, 01:07 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| what deaner was talkin' about...  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Antelope Valley Co-Op: NO Vendor: NO Patient: YES
Posts: 179
Rep Power: 40   | poem: dreaming from the hip Against my shy instincts, I made a deal to post some of my poetry here in the art forum. I didn't really know what to post, so I kind of picked this out at random... dreaming from the hip hitchin' on a Nowhere road out beyond alive and dead with a fistful of daydreams and a sundown in my head handed a future of black hole horizons falling into forever; can't cry or die simply scared, I arrow on to Erehwon drifting on under the lip of the sky alone with my fragmented emotions in between stone deaf and blind searching hearts for the Great Hope and a sunrise for my mind |
|      |
|
03-10-2008, 01:19 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| real real gone Join Date: Mar 2008 Co-Op: no Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 1,238
Rep Power: 129898     | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip crescentfresh, I really like this! It sounds like it would glue itself right to a melody. Write a chorus and a bridge and you've got yourself a really cool song. Thanks for overcoming your shyness to post this. Hope you'll post more in the future. I'm serious the lyricist thing; you should look into it. |
|
| |
|
03-10-2008, 01:50 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.  Join Date: Nov 2007 Co-Op: No Vendor: No Patient: Yes
Posts: 186
Rep Power: 143 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip I agree with Shining S. I think this piece lends itself perfectly to music. The chorus might center on the "dreaming from the hip" line, then a bridge. Then you've got the next number one song on the charts!  Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading it. |
|
| |
|
03-10-2008, 02:09 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| In the heart of Little Ethiopia  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Los Angeles Co-Op: yes Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 371
Rep Power: 4444 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip I agree as well. It sounds like a beautiful, introspective song. |
|
| |
|
03-10-2008, 02:21 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Budtender Deluxe Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In the Saucer of course! Co-Op: YES Vendor: NO Patient: YES
Posts: 5,934
Rep Power: 0 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip ok so i am gonna try to put it to music... wish me luck! i mean, with your permission i would like to try to put it to music... hehehe almost forgot my manners! much love~ spacey Last edited by The Urban Spaceman; 03-10-2008 at 02:22 PM.. Reason: ask for permission |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 12:14 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| what deaner was talkin' about... Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Antelope Valley Co-Op: NO Vendor: NO Patient: YES
Posts: 179
Rep Power: 40 |  Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Wow, you guys are so kind, thanks for such awesome positive feedback! :blush: It's funny you all thought this was such a good candidate to put to music because the majority of what I write is inspired by the rhythm and attitude of whatever song I'm really into at the moment. So the words and meaning are completely different, but the lyrical vibe still remains. With that said, I would be *honored* if anyone would like to try to put this to music. I.e. have at it Urban Spacemen! :) In all fairness though, does anyone have any criticism? I found problems with it that I didn't see when I wrote it a couple years ago and I fixed them before posting this. So I'm sure there's other things I could work on. |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 04:35 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies. Join Date: Nov 2007 Co-Op: No Vendor: No Patient: Yes
Posts: 186
Rep Power: 143 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip [ ~ ~ message deleted by poster ~ ~ ] Last edited by Ulalume; 03-12-2008 at 07:00 PM.. Reason: Idea was probably not so good. |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 04:43 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| -  Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: n. cali/s.cali and mix with it all in between Co-Op: no Vendor: yes Patient: yes
Posts: 506
Rep Power: 49 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Quote:
i've got an inkling spacey is a real power driver for the soul... i will be anxious to see what you come up with. keep strummin bro... best to u and all urs almost forgot, the words work, and it transitions evenly balanced, through-out; great job! | |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 04:50 PM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Budtender Deluxe Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In the Saucer of course! Co-Op: YES Vendor: NO Patient: YES
Posts: 5,934
Rep Power: 0 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip WOW - thanks! i am gonna have at it this weekend! (really busy week!). re: criticism - especially SELF criticism - you are always gonna find problems with your own stuff, it is part of the artistic temperament. that said - i work on something till i think it is "pretty darned good" and then i walk away... far away and do not listen or re read for a while. then i go back and see if i STILL think is needs work. so i will see what i come up with, hope you don't mind basic Rock (with maybe a Classic rock influence) much love spacey Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 05:03 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies. Join Date: Nov 2007 Co-Op: No Vendor: No Patient: Yes
Posts: 186
Rep Power: 143 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 05:22 PM
| #11 (permalink) | |
| Budtender Deluxe Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In the Saucer of course! Co-Op: YES Vendor: NO Patient: YES
Posts: 5,934
Rep Power: 0 |  Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Quote:
i'm probably just going to start with guitar and a vocal. sorry but my singing sucks. if y'all like it i will start adding other instruments and i will ask my songwriting partner, Janet, if she would mind singing it (she might, she usually writes the lyrics for my stuff LOL). but she'll probably do it... she's a sweetheart! if any of ya want to hear her sing go to iTunes and search for Janet Bressler or Evening Shades Prevail. 30 seconds will give ya an idea. she has a distinctive voice... i'll let you know when i have something (or not LOL!) much love spacey | |
|
| |
|
03-11-2008, 07:29 PM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| In the heart of Little Ethiopia Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Los Angeles Co-Op: yes Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 371
Rep Power: 4444 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
03-12-2008, 05:36 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| MADMAN SNOB  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: 9-0-8-1-3 Co-Op: no Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 320
Rep Power: 1774 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Yes.... what a nice poem. |
|
| |
|
03-14-2008, 07:51 AM
| #14 (permalink) |
| "Let the monsters see you smile"  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: In a magical canyon Co-Op: no Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 519
Rep Power: 23188 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Crecentfresh I am so glad we made this deal I feel bad It took me so long to post mine, better late than never. Dreaming from the hip is a woderful soul searching poem I feel the longing and ache in your writing. No smoke this would be a great song! I get a folk-rock feeling. you really put yourself out there thanks you for sharing this with everyone. |
|
| |
|
03-14-2008, 08:13 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Smokie  Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: on top of a small mountain Co-Op: no Vendor: no Patient: yes
Posts: 4,562
Rep Power: 498300 | Re: poem: dreaming from the hip Your all brilliant! As I was reading it- I thought the same thing! Your words were moving in this crescentfresh- I especially liked the lines- sundown in my head & sunrise in my mind! Beautiful! Can't wait to hear the new #1 hit! Keep writing, you have talent! |
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
| |
All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:21 PM.
