[emericakush714]

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

[Bogart McKilo]

my friend, I went through the abstinence thing for a job a year or so ago...and it is a sad time. I just kept telling myself that it would only be for awhile and would end. well it did and my girlfriend maryjane then had a wonderful date. This will end someday. Hanging tough and talking to friends is the way
Posted via Mobile Device

[Medpatient]

I feel you. Depression is one of the worst things that anyone should have to deal with.

I have my rec just for that, diagnosed with depression when I was 27 after battling it since I was 13. Never wanted to go to the dr cause I was afraid that people would look at me like a head case.

Finally got to a point where I could not drive over a freeway overpass without having constant thoughts of how easy it would be to just jump and not go through the pain I was feeling. Glad I never went through with it.

Talked to my doc and he put me on Effexor, right away I felt 1000 times better, I did not even know it was possible to feel that good. Only problem was the side effects are a killer, insomnia, dry mouth etc.

Cannabis brings me right out of my moods. For you if you have to quit cannabis, then I would seriously depending on how bad the depression gets to you, talking to your doctor about probably medications you could use until you can get a job and start to use cannabis again.

If you ever need to talk about anything, let me know. If there was one thing I was grateful for, it was my friends letting me cry on their shoulders and listening to what I had to say.

If it wasnt for that I would most likely not be here typing this to you right now.

[emericakush714]

thanks for the quick response. Sounds like you got great friends. Unfortunetly I've been having doubts on who my true friends really are and i have trouble talking to my friends about my problems. im not open with my feelings and maybe keeping all this shit locked up in my head without ever letting it get out. Right now im about to go on a long bike ride to try and enjoy whatever i can from it. Then maybe those dance lessons, but my partner kind of bailed on me so now i got to conjure up some courage to dance with a random person...damn!

life is hard i just dont feel like dealing with it right now, i figure i just needs lots of positive feelings and waste some pent up energy. plus the support you guys just gave me let me get some feelings out.

Thanks guys for real!

[MadRiverTurtle]

Sounds like you're on to some good things. Distracting yourself is key. The exercise is good, plus learning to dance- nice!!!

Suggestions in no particular order:

Connect with friends or famliy/maybe meet new people
Listen to music
Be in nature
Meditation
Volunteer your time to those in need
Get some sun (melatonin)
Fish oil (omega-3 fatty acids)
Eat a healthy diet
Remember that this is a temporary situation <3

[Au_Hunter]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

That right there is a big clue...

Do you see/read it?

My friend, it is one thing to self analyze in a realistic fashion, yet another to place negative aspersions upon your self.

If I think my MMJ use is keeping me from accomplishing my goals I can set my own parameters in a positive way.

If I kick myself in the butt because I use MMJ which I believe is detrimental to making money over and over, yet continue my use all I am doing is setting a negative tone inside my own head.

One must compromise... You will never be a commercial pilot using MMJ because the airlines test...

If your skill set is incompatable with MMJ use, you will either need to find a new skill set so you can continue using MMJ or stop MMJ.

I used for many years and had a career where testing wasn't an issue. It was labor intensive, yet was also a special skill and I made good money as a telephone cable splicer.

After a spinal surgery I continued to medicate although it wasn't yet legal, but could not return to my former career.

When another opportunity came my way that didn't require drug tests, but my use was incompatable I stopped voluntarily, flushed over a "Z" and gave away all my medication equipment...

I didn't use for about 10 years.

When that career ended I chose to get legal and return to using MMJ.

If I'm rambeling, please understand I'm trying to respectfully point out that you should not beat yourself up, stop doing that, but pick a course and begin with the first step.

Regardless of what that step is, take a positive step. You can always change direction at anytime.

The trail of life is long and filled with many alternet paths, we can back up, stop and rest or take any path we choose...

If I can assist in a more direct and personal PM chat, please let me know in more detail if you wish and I'll see if I can help fine tune my statements, but you have the power to be nice to yourself, so do that first.

Much luv

[turtle]

Hello E,
If you have to stop (med mj) you may want to talk to the doc about zoloft.
I just get the fake urine and use that for testing.
It is not very expensive (and it is even cheaper) in the smoke district in downtown LA.

When I was pregnant and couldn't smoke I was a mess.
The zoloft helped...
but every one is different...
and it is very hard, stressful and time consuming to find your right mix...
balance within medications...

Most patients think I'm a great guy, (no I am a girl...lol), but I don't want trouble with their gfs, so I am known as Turtle.

I also do not know why your head would tell you to stop the med mj?
My head tells me not to take my meds as well...it can get me into trouble.
It is a spiritual warfare.

I will pray for your problems and would like to talk.
I am also very depressed and lonely and most people don't understand how sick I can get if I let the stressors get me down.
I have fibromyalgia, my muscles lock up and I cannot move very well if I am under stress.
I gained a LOT of weight and I am old (43), so I get a lot of people that do not understand me at all.

You can call or write me, it would be nice to have a friend to talk to sometime.
I recently got a job but would like to hang with you in the daytime if possible.
Next week I work 4:30pm - 1am...it is very lonely at night with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

The week after I switch to my new job and hours from 6:30pm to 5 am wed, thurs, fri, and sat.
I will pm you the info

[zbestwun2001]

My suggestion:

If you feel sometimes there is a committee in your head and no one is in charge you need to find out why.

Some people have a physiological imbalance and need to supplement with anti-depressants and such. Some people have such stress in their lives that it is overwhelming and anti-depressants help. Either way the help is out there for you.

I would be reckless in saying what worked for me would work for you, you need to see a doctor and have him run some tests on you.

Whether you want to stop smoking or not, again that is your decision.

PM me if you want, I was a social worker and I am also available.

much love
zb

[emericakush714]

I just need a new profession. I'm tired of working on cars and since my dad (my employer) is currently disabled, I cant work there alone since I'm only in training. I just need a new profession, i have never had a "normal" job which is what i long for. I feel like I'm lacking structure right now without having any specific agenda (school, work). I have no experience outside of fixing cars...its the only job I've ever had. I mean right now, anything sounds good.

I know i beat myself up too hard nut I've always been like this. Its an internal issue that even my parents probably don't see. As for depression pills, I'm scared of taking drugs, ritalin and many other ADD drugs have turned me against pills. For example, i have an ear infection, i took some pills for it, and after i took it i felt this great regret like "damn why'd i take that pill, shit" plus not having insurance doesn't help either. My friend told me i should see a therapist to try and let all my pent up emotions out, but i don't know how i feel about paying someone to tell me how crazy i am.

[Medical661guy]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

My friend.



Please know We are here for u

This community has helped me get through some reAlly hard times,


Your not alone brother keep your head up

[emericakush714]

Originally Posted by Medical661guy

My friend.



Please know We are here for u

This community has helped me get through some reAlly hard times,


Your not alone brother keep your head up

Yeah i never realized how healing a forum could be. Thanks for the support its really helping me get some much needed tears out

[zbestwun2001]

Originally Posted by turtle

I am old (43),

Ahhhh, that felt better.

zb1



There are good clinics that work on sliding scales.

I don't know OC..

zb

[Medpatient]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Yeah i never realized how healing a forum could be. Thanks for the support its really helping me get some much needed tears out

on thing I have noticed emericakush and I know it is hard for you as you stated but by not releasing your feelings will definitely make it seem as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

If there was one thing I have learned it is that if I get my feelings out whether it being having a good cry, screaming at the top of my lungs, whatever as long as I can get it out I feel so much better after wards. I used to do the same thing, I would not open up, for me it was cause I was afraid at how people would perceive me, once I got to the point of not caring how people saw me or thought of me I was able to open up and let it out.

I strongly urge you that even if it is hard, to see if you can muster up the ability to let your feelings out, you will be amazed at how much better that in itself can make you feel.

[ps-med]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

Sounds like you have a lot of things that you are doing to keep your mind off of your depression. Early on in my treatment my therapist suggested keeping a journal, not just of random stuff, but of specifically the things that were pissing me off and how those things made me feel. I thought: "this is some crap" but did it anyway, after a few weeks of this I started to realize what types of things were pissing me off and which were setting off my depression and this eventually led to dealing with those things directly.

If you can see a therapist do it, if not try to do some helpful introspection. For me it was important to see that for me fear led to anger, which led to guilt, which led to depression. Just keep moving, and eventually you will learn what triggers your depression and find ways of dealing with it. Know that you are not alone.

[silvercloud]

If ya 'force' a :smile2:smile ,it will surprise your perception parameter of thought ,Yess > remember ,practice makes perfect ,and don't forget the meds ,lol > that is all

[emericakush714]

Originally Posted by Medpatient

on thing I have noticed emericakush and I know it is hard for you as you stated but by not releasing your feelings will definitely make it seem as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

If there was one thing I have learned it is that if I get my feelings out whether it being having a good cry, screaming at the top of my lungs, whatever as long as I can get it out I feel so much better after wards. I used to do the same thing, I would not open up, for me it was cause I was afraid at how people would perceive me, once I got to the point of not caring how people saw me or thought of me I was able to open up and let it out.

I strongly urge you that even if it is hard, to see if you can muster up the ability to let your feelings out, you will be amazed at how much better that in itself can make you feel.

Exactly, I don't want people to think im crazy or an asshole. But apparently most my friends already do, and I have no clue how that happened. I'm having trouble deciphering who my friends really are right now and its sad because my friends in question are some of the people ive known since preschool. A lot of this realization has to do with my recent breakup, sounds stupid right, but my friends seemed to open up to her about me and what was said wasn't exactly positive. And that hurts coming from your so called friends. I feel like i only have three good friends right now, when it should be a lot more. Its depressing to hear what your friends really think of you when you think they are all cool with you but is all just smoke and mirrors. I just feel like moving to another part of the state and just starting over, fresh, and with new friends.

I just feel like i can't get a lucky break.

[Medpatient]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Exactly, I don't want people to think im crazy or an asshole. But apparently most my friends already do, and I have no clue how that happened. I'm having trouble deciphering who my friends really are right now and its sad because my friends in question are some of the people ive known since preschool. A lot of this realization has to do with my recent breakup, sounds stupid right, but my friends seemed to open up to her about me and what was said wasn't exactly positive. And that hurts coming from your so called friends. I feel like i only have three good friends right now, when it should be a lot more. Its depressing to hear what your friends really think of you when you think they are all cool with you but is all just smoke and mirrors. I just feel like moving to another part of the state and just starting over, fresh, and with new friends.

I just feel like i can't get a lucky break.

Well as you said you have 3 good friends. Concentrate on them, the others although I realize that you have said have been friends since preschool, just remember things change in people and some start to pull away especially when you are going through the problems you are with your depression.

I was in the same boat, I had so many friends I could not count them all on both hands, but man when my depression started up and was getting really bad I started to realize who my true friends were as I lost all my friends with the exception of two really great friends. To this date they and I are still real tight, as a matter of fact I feel we are on a whole nother level of friendship as they have seen me at my lowest and helped me through it.

It has been said that in life you most likely will only have 3 to 5 real good friends that you can count on.

Here are a couple of quotes that are true to heart, put these into perspective of all the friends you have and if any friends fit these quotes those are the ones you want to concentrate on.

“The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had.”

“"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!'"”

[Medpatient]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Exactly, I don't want people to think im crazy or an asshole. But apparently most my friends already do, and I have no clue how that happened. I'm having trouble deciphering who my friends really are right now and its sad because my friends in question are some of the people ive known since preschool. A lot of this realization has to do with my recent breakup, sounds stupid right, but my friends seemed to open up to her about me and what was said wasn't exactly positive. And that hurts coming from your so called friends. I feel like i only have three good friends right now, when it should be a lot more. Its depressing to hear what your friends really think of you when you think they are all cool with you but is all just smoke and mirrors. I just feel like moving to another part of the state and just starting over, fresh, and with new friends.

I just feel like i can't get a lucky break.

If anyone that you speak to regarding your depression thinks you are crazy, then you do not need to waste time of them and walk away. The good thing is that people realize now that Depression is not something that happens to crazy people. It is something that happens to people of all walks of life.

A great example is Jim Carrey. He has money, a great career, wife, house, nice cars. Everything that we would all like to have and even though his life seems perfect he deals with severe depression a lot like me.

If a man in his position can have depression well that lets me know, its not cause we are crazy, its cause we just have different make ups in our brain that is all.

Makes us no less of a person or no more.

[emericakush714]

Originally Posted by ps-med

Sounds like you have a lot of things that you are doing to keep your mind off of your depression. Early on in my treatment my therapist suggested keeping a journal, not just of random stuff, but of specifically the things that were pissing me off and how those things made me feel. I thought: "this is some crap" but did it anyway, after a few weeks of this I started to realize what types of things were pissing me off and which were setting off my depression and this eventually led to dealing with those things directly.

If you can see a therapist do it, if not try to do some helpful introspection. For me it was important to see that for me fear led to anger, which led to guilt, which led to depression. Just keep moving, and eventually you will learn what triggers your depression and find ways of dealing with it. Know that you are not alone.

I'm going to try this extensively to see what i can get from it

thanks

[zbestwun2001]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

I wrote down some of the things that may have trigger'd this and i know its about the recent breakup....they all lead to that

my friends tell her how they really perceive me, losing someone close to me, being alone, jealousy. its all a bunch of bullshit being thrown on top of my lack of employment, money, and positivity. I just feel like a million tons of bricks have landed on my head, except for im still breathing, stuck under the rubble with no1 to help.

it sucks

Why are they in your business?
To get an earful and start drama?

Do you really need friends like that?

Tell them to STFU, and let it go.

zb

[longhairpokem]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

keep your head up things will get better.......

[Smokus Cannabis]

Originally Posted by emericakush714

Some recent events have really brought me down. I've decided today that i must quit my cannabis meds so i can get a job. Being out of work since november and not being able to go to school have pretty much made me sit here at home by myself. I've decided to distract myself with bike rides and now i want to train for soccer again (which i havent played since my high school rejected me after ten years of play, which really hurt my spirit). Also, im taking up dance to impress the ladies (lol)

I don't know how to deal with it, it seems like sometimes ill be content and then these depressing thought come in my head and i break down. I don't use cannabis for depression because for the most part im an extremely happy person, but i think the pressure has finally broke me down. I dont know, i just need to distract myself from these stupid mind fucks i put myself through.

Thanks.

Welcome to Depression, friend. I'm guessing you're really young. I couldn't handle it anymore when I was 27. Strikes young the first time, usually. Anyway, you might want to plant an MJ clone or a few this growing season this year. That might be fun and keep you connected to your favorite plant, even if you can't smoke it (until later, storage!). In the time being, take care of yourself. Just keep your basic day to day life as together as you can. The job situation is crap right now, so you might want to hold on to your job a little bit longer, if you can. You might need a break from it, if you have broken down. Perhaps you're stressed out of your mind, and it's just too much for you. Maybe your pop can get a partnership in with a long time mechanic, and you can learn with less difficulty. Seems like you've got a hell of a lot on your plate. If you decide to look for a job, try exercise and diet changes to get really healthy. If you feel you're completely cracking up to the point of incapacitation (happened to me 3 times so far), you might want to consider meds. At that point, you'll be feeling so bad, you'll take anything that has a possibility of helping you. They do have horrible side effects, but they will keep you functional. When I break down, I usually need 3 months off of work. I have a job that is very flexible like that right now. Sorry this is so long. Feel free to contact me whenever you want. Hang in there because you will not feel this way forever. Tell your friends to be patient with you, that you are going through a horrible time. Ask for a little sympathy. You may get it. You need it, that's for sure. Good luck!


Try not to lose your friends, unless they are truly lousy friends. Everything you are thinking has been warped by your depression. Things are not what they seem. I usually take a break from them, for a while. Maybe a coffee with them every month when I'm in a bad depression. I also try not to talk about my depression too much, though it's all I'm thinking about. Not very easy. Anyway, get some treatment and this thing will begin to lift. It will not last too long. My longest was 9 months, but I didn't get treatment for 8 of them. Treatment (drugs and talk therapy) has cured me within 1 month of starting it all three times. Just ride the waves until things are calm again, and realize that your brain is lying to you a good deal of the time. This too will pass, believe me.

[emericakush714]

Thanks for the advice you guys its very much appreciated. I couldn't eat the past couple of days, tried to force down food the other night but couldn't because i felt sick and started to cry a wee bit. Today I went of a bike ride, maybe 3 or 4 miles total, and im tired. But it didnt help, i just gave me more time to think about the things that make me sad. I went to watch my nephews first game, and couldnt stay, and i dont know how he feels about that since he really wanted me there. This is affecting my family now, they know something is wrong and i cant talk to them about it, its too hard. I ate a little earlier today, but i had to medicate a lot to feel the need to eat. As for the lil MJ baby, i got one, from seed, and yes seeing that part of life, its just amazing (no TOS break right?). But my ma just got an expensive light bill, which i assume im going to have to explain, and i have no clue how she will react since i have not told them about my medical marijuana status. yet another thing ive been having trouble with.

I dont know, man, i feel better because im keeping busy and trying my best to stay positive, but i know i cant do this alone. Ive been thinking about a therapist, but i looked around, and those people get some bank. i cant afford that shit. So for now im stuck, and im going to have to ask my sister for help with therapy bc if i ask my parents they will throw a shit fit and i dont need that right now.

Thanks fellow WTs, i will give an update later on tomorrow. As for now, daylight savings took effect, im going to smoke a 420 joint and get some much needed rest...

Sounds like you're on to some good things. Distracting yourself is key. The exercise is good, plus learning to dance- nice!!!

Suggestions in no particular order:

Connect with friends or famliy/maybe meet new people
Listen to music
Be in nature
Meditation
Volunteer your time to those in need
Get some sun (melatonin)
Fish oil (omega-3 fatty acids)
Eat a healthy diet
Remember that this is a temporary situation <3

MadRiverTurtle nailed it. Keep up the bike riding, as exercise has been proven to be as good or better than anti-depressants. Avoid processed foods and don't eat too much sugar (causing mood shifts).

Also, minimize your exposure to the mainstream media. It is negative and with 24 hour cable news, a nonstop stream of negativity bombarding the subconscious. Especially avoid cable news in the evening, as our subconscious mind is more receptive as we near sleep.

Read some motivational books, watch funny movies, and BREATH. Deep breathing relaxes and energizes the mind and body. Breath like a baby. Unrestricted.

Your feelings will pass. Accept the feelings and move on. It is natural to feel blue every now and then. Live a wellness lifestyle and you can minimize/eliminate the blues. Peace!

[clinton]

You have some good advice already posted. I know this subject very well. Here is a post about it:


Support Please

I found that some thoughts cause the depressing feelings. I found that most of what I beleieved was a lie. Those lies kept me in that prision. I observed and noted which thoughts caused me the most pain - each idea was a lie. The truth does set you free from this trap.

clinton